5 Strategies to Gain Control Over Negative Thoughts

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it“

– Eckart Tolle

Thousands of thoughts run through our minds daily, and for many, a lot of these thoughts are negative. The power our minds have to completely influence how we perceive the world is immense. But what is a thought? Thoughts are simply these non-tangible, floating words, ideas, or opinions in our heads. Yet, these floating words can sometimes lead to deep feelings of loneliness, unworthiness, hopelessness, or put us right into an utter state of depression. With the mind’s influence on how we go through life, it is important to remember that not all thoughts are true or based in facts. When we believe self-defeating thoughts that are not necessarily true, it can impact how we feel and consequently how we behave, potentially leading us away from our goals.

Here are a few strategies to help combat self-limiting thoughts that may be affecting how you feel:

1. Pay attention to what isn’t bad or all bad
2. Label Thoughts
3. Ask the question: “Is this thought helpful?”
4. Check for Facts – Be curious
5. Focus on the present – Utilize your senses – break the negative thinking cycle.

1. Pay attention to what isn’t bad or all bad

Do you find that it is much easier to focus on a negative thought than a positive? If so, you are right there with everyone else! Negative thoughts seem to have a way of sticking in our mind longer than positive ones. Dr. Allison Ledgerwood, a social psychologist looked at this question of why our brains get stuck more in the negatives than the positives. You can check out her Ted Talk Getting stuck in the negatives (and how to get unstuck).

In Dr. Ledgerwood’s research on why our brains have a tendency to hold onto negatives more, we learn that we need to put extra effort into consciously attending to positives or the not-so-negative aspects of our day. By putting more focus into what went well, will help make the good stand out more, or at least give the good the credit it deserves.

However, sometimes negative thoughts can be very strong that it would be extremely difficult to just “see positively” or “think positively.” So, if it is too far a stretch to go from having several negative thoughts to thinking of something that went well, try to turn your mind to something neutral instead. It is still the right direction of where we want our mind to go, and will help make the process of attending to positives easier. Some examples of neutral thoughts could be: “Everyone feels bored at times,” “the sun isn’t out but it is not raining,” or “the salad I had for lunch was nutritious.”

2. Label Thoughts – Bring distance between you and the thought

In Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, this technique is used a lot. When we can label thoughts as just that, a thought, we can take some of the power back that the negative thought is trying to hold on to. A thought is not harmful unless the actions we take in response to that thought leads us to do something harmful. For example, anxiousness is not harmful, but if our response to our anxiety is to take several Xanax pills, then we have turned the anxiety into something harmful.

Once you notice a negative thought, practice giving it a label. This can be done in a few different ways: First, when you are aware you are having a negative thought, take a moment to stop and breathe, then add the words “I am having the thought”….” before your actual thought. For example, “I am having the thought that I am anxious.” While this may not change how you think or feel right away, it is a step to create some distance between the negative thought and believing that thought in its entirety; It reminds us that it is just one thought that entered your mind and it will come and go. Let’s not forget that the mind’s job is to produce thoughts – but you get to decide which thoughts are worth your energy.

Every time you become aware of a negative or unhelpful thought that enters your mind, try labeling it as just that – a thought.  

A second way to label your thoughts can be made even simpler – Try calling it whatever label comes to your mind when you are having that thought, for example “Anger”, “Self-doubting thought” or “procrastinating thought.” Try not to spend too much time coming up with a label, just label it whatever comes to your mind when you notice that thought. If a distinctive label is hard to find for that particular thought, close your eyes for a moment and try and see if an image comes up while that thought is with you. Then give it a description – maybe it’s a colour or a texture you see. With the repetitive practice of labeling your thoughts, see if you start to notice its power loosen and whether it moves on its way a little faster.

3. Ask yourself, “Is this thought helpful?”

This question has become quite popular in the counselling world. I first learned of it during my internship in my Master’s program and my supervisor at the time had used it. I also hear it used in a lot of therapist videos, confirming how useful this question can be to ask when you are having negative thoughts.

If your mind gets hung up in a spiral of negative thinking, try and stop yourself by first noticing one of the thoughts and then asking yourself, “Is this thought helpful?” or “Is this thought useful?” Even if certain thoughts might have some truth to them, for instance, if you did fail your 3^rd test in Math, and there is only one more in the term, the thought that you are going to fail the last test, may have some truth, but that does not mean that staying on the thought and listening to it over and over is going to be helpful. Thus, asking yourself “is this thought helpful?” can help you determine what might be more helpful in that moment, such as studying, asking for help, or going to bed earlier to get a restful sleep before the test.

4. Check the Facts- Be Curious

It would be naïve to listen to a negative that has no truth or bearing to it whatsoever. Yet, we still do it. I’m guilty of that too. But like mentioned at the beginning of this post, not all thoughts are true. It is just the job of our minds to produce thoughts, whether true or not, just like our heart’s job is to beat and pump blood throughout our bodies. One way of checking the facts is to get curious about the thoughts that do come up for you. Notice that you are having a thought and then allow yourself to be curious about your experience with that thought without fighting it. For example, is the thought making you feel your heart beat faster? Is the thought a familiar thought or a novel thought? Is the thought needing comfort? By stepping into a place of curiosity rather than blame or self-criticism for having that thought, see if you can think what a close friend would tell you if they knew you had that thought – what would you tell yourself if you were speaking to yourself as if it was your best friend talking to you?

For those of you who like to keep track of things and create lists, this next way of checking for facts may be more for you. Creating a Thought Log (common technique in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which helps to identify which thoughts are based in evidence and which are not, and what a more helpful alternative thought could be. It is a great way of checking if thoughts are worth putting your energy towards. Here is an example:

5. Focus on something in the present moment:

Finally, the 5^th strategy of combating negative thoughts is to practice mindfulness. No matter which type of mindfulness speaks to you the most, try and turn towards the present moment. This will help prevent the negative thought from spiralling and leaving you in negative thought cycle and unproductiveness. For example, turning to your senses is one way to bring your attention to the present moment when you may feel stuck in negative thinking. You can focus on all 5 senses or turn to just one sense that is most prominent for you in that moment. For example, if you have music on, really focus your attention on your hearing. Try and listen for an instrument or melody in that song you have not noticed as much before and stay on it. Or, if you are eating something, focus on the taste of that food or its smell and label it – stay in that moment. Labeling your thoughts, as mentioned in the first strategy, is also a mindfulness strategy, but try and keep the judgment out of creating the label. Observe as objectively as you can and see whether the negative thoughts fade just a little.