One of the major devastations of depression is the overpowering feeling of emptiness. Depression makes us experience a lot of uncomfortable and painful emotions making one feel stuck, engrossed in darkness, and with no desires to do anything. Depression is insidious; it sucks away interests and pleasures like the job that you worked hard at getting, you no longer have excitement for, or the music you used to enjoy, doesn’t give you any feeling of joy anymore.
That sense of emptiness and loss of meaning in yourself and things around you can start to shape powerful beliefs that keep you feeling like you are locked in that emptiness.
But you do not have to be.
A helpful metaphor that is described by Dr. Lara Honos-Webb in her book “Listening to Depression” (2006) can help shift the perspective of “emptiness” and its role in depression.
A foghorn is a loud, deep, wailing sound meant to warn ships or people that if they come closer, they will be stepping into poor visibility or potential danger, like some obstruction on its path. Thus, the foghorn warns for us to change the course of our path so one does not continue forward into that trouble.
According to Dr. Honos-Webb, this is the role of Emptiness. She states: “The sound of a foghorn echoes the desperation in the experience of emptiness” (p. 104), helping you steer away or retreat from continuing the course that is leading you deeper into depression.
Emptiness is the alarm telling us to be aware that when we start to feel that sensation of emptiness, rather than recoiling back into what is familiar (what you typically do to cope, perhaps isolating, not turning to help, or blaming yourself), instead think of the emptiness as the warning that you are heading toward the familiar that has not served you well. Use it as the warning to change direction to the unfamiliar, which may lead you out of the darkness.
When we continue on the same path or consistently have the same response to a feeling but the outcome still leads to those feelings of worthlessness, emptiness can be your ally to let you know that you are approaching more darkness if you continue the course you are on.
The next time that you feel that sense of emptiness or worthlessness, try and reflect on these 2 questions:
- What is the “Emptiness Foghorn” telling you to stay away from?
- How do I usually respond to feelings of emptiness or loneliness?
It may be helpful to write your reflections down; Physically writing it out allows you to then have something to refer back to, especially since it is really hard to think of anything outside the negative thoughts when you are feeling depressed.
Create 2 columns on your page with one side titled: Familiar/Old Responses and the other column titled: New Responses.
Make your list on each side. Some examples for Familiar/Old Responses may be:
- Isolate
- not seek help
- stay in bed
- eat too much/too little
- Ruminate on negative thoughts
Then on the other column, write down new responses such as:
- Reach out for help
- Call a friend/family member (Write down some names)
- Meditate
- Go out in nature
- Exercise
- Listen to a Podcast on a topic you’re interested in
- Journal
The more you can think of for this column, the more you can pull from when Emptiness is signalling that you are entering a place that makes you feel even more stuck.
So the next time that foghorn of emptiness sounds, open your notebook and pick one of those new responses and give it a try. See if you notice the foghorn turning to a distant wail or even silence. And maybe some of the suffering softens by turning away from the familiar and into something new.
A great line I will leave you with from Dr. Honos-Webb is: “Remind yourself that if you are to change your life you will have to cross the no-man’s land between your old life and your new life” (p. 104).
Reference: Honos-Webb, L. (2006). Listening to depression. How understanding your pain can heal your life. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. Oakland, CA.
